School Refusal: Supporting Children with Anxiety
Update: 24 September 2025
School refusal is an issue many parents face, and it can create significant stress for both the children and their families. While some children may resist going to school occasionally, others experience persistent anxiety that leads to outright refusal. Understanding the reasons behind this reluctance, recognising symptoms, and knowing how to provide appropriate support are essential in helping children navigate their feelings and return to a positive school experience.
Reasons why a child may not want to go to school
1. Anxiety and Fear: Many children experience anxiety about school situations, such as separation from parents, social interactions, or academic performance. According to Young Minds, anxiety about school from fear of not being liked to not being good enough[5].
2. Bullying: Bullying or feelings of exclusion can lead to a fear of school. Incidents of bullying can severely impact a child’s sense of safety and confidence, making school a scary place[1].
3. Academic Pressure: High expectations whether self-imposed or from parents and teachers this can create stress for a child. This pressure to perform can lead to anxiety about attending school[2].
4. Learning Difficulties: Children with learning difficulties may struggle to keep up with their peers, leading to feelings of frustration and avoidance of school altogether[4].
5. Life Changes: Moving to a new school, changes in family dynamics, or the loss of a loved one or a family pet can trigger anxiety. This can have an impact of them wanting to go to school and mixing with other children. As some children may feel unprepared for new environments or changes in their routine.
Recognising Symptoms of School Refusal
Understanding the signs that a child may be struggling with school related anxiety is important for prompt intervention. Common symptoms include:
– Physical Complaints: Regularly reporting headaches, stomach aches, or other physical symptoms, especially on school days[4].
– Emotional Distress: Expressing fear, sadness, or frustration when discussing school or exhibiting increased irritability and mood swings.
– Withdrawal: Avoiding social activities or playing with peers, showing signs of increased clinginess to parents or caregivers.
– Difficulty with Mornings: Demonstrating significant distress during morning routines, such as tantrums or refusal to get dressed for school.
– Changes in the child’s Behaviour: A decline in academic performance, lack of interest in school activities, or skipping school altogether.
Steps you Can Take to Support to a child
Supporting a child who is reluctant to attend school requires a thoughtful and proactive approach. Here are practical strategies for parents:
1. Open Communication: Establish a safe space for your child to express their feelings about school. Ask open-ended questions about their experiences and listen without judgment to their concerns[3].
2. Identify Triggers: Work with your child to pinpoint specific situations that cause anxiety. Discuss incidents of bullying, academic pressures, or social challenges and work together to develop solutions.
3. Create a Consistent Routine: Develop a structured daily routine that includes time for relaxation, family interaction, and school preparation. A predictable routine can help children feel more secure.
4. Positive Reinforcement: Celebrate your child’s achievements, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement can motivate them to overcome their fears and build confidence.
5. Exposure to School: For children with severe anxiety, consider gradual exposure to the school environment. Start with brief visits to the school, engaging in enjoyable activities, or meeting a trusted teacher.
6.Work with the school: Reach out to your child’s teachers, school counsellor, or headteacher to inform them of your concerns. Open communication with school can help establish a supportive environment[1].
7. Professional Support Services: If anxiety persists, seek support from the child’s GP.
8. Encourage Friendships: Encourage positive relationships with peers by arranging playdates or participating in group activities. Strong friendships can help alleviate feelings of isolation and anxiety.
Seeking Additional Support
If your child’s anxiety about school is severe or persistent, consider these additional resources:
1. Counselling Services: Many schools offer counselling services through their support staff. Accessing these resources may provide immediate assistance for children struggling with anxiety.
2. Community Resources: Organisations like Action for Children provide support services, including mental health resources tailored for children and families[1].
3. Mental Health Services: The NHS has resources available through Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) for children experiencing emotional distress[4]. It is important to seek professional advice if symptoms persist.
4. Support Groups: Look for local or online support groups where parents and caregivers can share their experiences and strategies for managing school-related anxiety.
Building Resilience
Building resilience in children is key to helping them manage anxiety about school. Here are additional strategies to promote resilience:
1. Model Positive Behaviours: Demonstrate healthy coping strategies for stress and anxiety. Your response to difficult situations will influence how your child learns to handle their challenges.
2. Promote Self-Advocacy: Teach your child how to communicate their needs and feelings. Encouraging them to express their thoughts and advocate for themselves can help them feel more in control.
3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Introduce mindfulness practices and relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or yoga. These methods can help calm anxious feelings.
4. Limit Screen Time: Monitor the media your child consumes, especially if exposed to negative content about school. Encourage a balance of screen time with physical activities and hobbies.
5. Celebrate Progress: Recognise and celebrate milestones, whether getting ready for school, attending for a full week, or engaging in class. This encouragement can motivate them to continue making progress.
Conclusion
Addressing school refusal in children requires a compassionate and multifaceted approach. Open communication, consistent routines, and collaboration with the child’s teacher can help support with school related anxiety.
School refusal is common, and many families face similar challenges. Through understanding, encouragement, and intervention, children can learn to manage their fears and thrive in their educational environments. For further support and resources, parents can explore websites like NHS, Young Minds, Action for Children, and GOV.UK to find additional guidance tailored to their child’s specific needs.
