Home is supposed to be somewhere we feel safe, loved and accepted. But what happens when the people who are supposed to care for us make us feel unwanted? For some children and teenagers, growing up means living with parents who are emotionally unavailable, dismissive or neglectful. They may rarely hear the words ‘I’m proud of you’, receive little affection or feel that their feelings are constantly ignored.
This experience is sometimes described as parental rejection or emotional neglect. Although these experiences can look different in every family, they can have lasting effects on how young people see themselves, form relationships and experience school.
1. What Does Parental Rejection Actually Look Like?
Parental rejection isn’t always obvious. It doesn’t necessarily involve shouting, violence or abandonment.
Sometimes, it’s the absence of something: affection, encouragement, attention or emotional support.
A child might experience:
- Parents repeatedly ignoring their feelings or achievements
- Being told they’re unwanted, a burden or not good enough
- Having their emotional needs dismissed or criticised
- Feeling that love and attention depend on their behaviour or achievements
- Being left without appropriate care, comfort or reassurance
Importantly, a parent struggling with their own mental health, finances or circumstances does not automatically mean they are neglectful. The concern is when a child’s emotional or developmental needs are persistently unmet.
Research by Hughes et al. (2017) found that adverse childhood experiences, including abuse and neglect, were associated with increased risks of mental and physical health difficulties later in life.
2. How Many Children Experience This?
Parental rejection is difficult to measure because many young people never report it, and emotional neglect can be harder to identify than physical neglect. Research by Radford et al. (2011), commissioned by the NSPCC, found that approximately one in ten children aged 11-17 reported experiencing neglect by a parent or guardian at some point during childhood. However, neglect and feeling unwanted are not identical experiences. These figures cannot tell us exactly how many children feel rejected by their parents.
The Children’s Commissioner for England has also highlighted the importance of understanding children’s experiences of vulnerability, including difficulties within family relationships.
Behind every statistic is a young person who may be struggling silently, sometimes without recognising that their experiences are affecting them.
3. How Rejection at Home Affects Self-Esteem and Mental Health
When children repeatedly feel unwanted, they may begin to believe something is wrong with them. Instead of questioning their parents’ behaviour, they might question their own worth.
This can contribute to:
- Low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness
- Anxiety about disappointing others
- Difficulty trusting people
- Depression, loneliness or emotional withdrawal
- Constantly seeking approval or reassurance
The Department for Education (2022) explains that rejection from caregivers can leave children feeling unlovable or unworthy. These experiences can shape how young people understand relationships, but they do not determine their future.
4. Why School Can Become Another Lonely Place?
For children experiencing rejection at home, school may offer an escape. However, emotional difficulties can sometimes follow them into the classroom. Some young people may struggle to concentrate, withdraw from friendships or become particularly sensitive to criticism. Others may appear disruptive or constantly seek attention.
These behaviours can be misunderstood when adults focus only on what a child is doing rather than what they might be experiencing. Research commissioned by the Department for Education (2014) identified associations between neglect and difficulties involving education, emotional development and social relationships.
Meanwhile, The Children’s Society (2026) found that 11.9% of surveyed UK children aged 10-17 were unhappy with school. Although this does not mean parental rejection caused their unhappiness, it highlights the importance of school wellbeing.
5. How Does it Affect Friendships and Future Relationships?
Our earliest relationships can influence what we expect from others. When affection and reassurance are inconsistent or absent, some young people may become fearful of rejection, while others find it difficult to let people get close. For example, a teenager might constantly worry that their friends secretly dislike them or feel the need to please everyone to avoid being abandoned.
Others might distance themselves emotionally because trusting someone feels risky.
UK research involving 15,864 adolescents in England found complex relationships between emotional distress, emotional regulation and connections with family and peers (2024).
However, these patterns are not inevitable. Supportive friendships, trusted adults and healthy relationships can help young people develop a stronger sense of belonging.
6. Breaking the Cycle: What Can Help?
Experiencing rejection does not mean someone is destined to struggle with relationships forever.
Support can begin with small but meaningful changes:
- Finding a trusted adult: A teacher, counsellor, relative or youth worker who listens without judgement.
- Building healthy friendships: Spending time with people who respect boundaries and offer consistent support.
- Challenging negative beliefs: Recognising that another person’s inability to provide care does not determine your worth.
- Seeking professional support: Counselling or appropriate mental health support can help young people process difficult experiences.
- Creating safe spaces: Schools and community services can offer opportunities for belonging and positive relationships.
The Department for Education (2026) emphasises the importance of warm communication, active listening and emotionally safe environments in supporting children.
7. Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Feel Wanted
Growing up feeling unwanted can be incredibly isolating, particularly when it seems everyone else has a loving, supportive family. But being rejected by someone who was supposed to care for you does not make you unworthy of love. Your childhood experiences may influence how you see yourself and others, but they do not have to define the relationships you build in the future.
If this sounds familiar, speaking to someone you trust can be an important first step.
You deserve relationships where you feel safe, valued and accepted – not ones where you constantly have to prove that you are worth caring about.
If you are under 19, you can contact Childline confidentially and free on 0800 1111.
Website: https://www.childline.org.uk/
References
Department for Education (2014). Indicators of Neglect: Missed Opportunities.https://discovery.ucl.ac.uk/1469594/1/RR404_-_Indicators_of_neglect_missed_opportunities.pdf
Department for Education (2022). Help for Early Years Providers: Relationships. https://help-for-early-years-providers.education.gov.uk/areas-of-learning/personal-social-and-emotional-development/relationships
Department for Education (2025). Children in Need, Reporting Year 2025. https://explore-education-statistics.service.gov.uk/find-statistics/children-in-need/2025
Department for Education (2026). Creating a Strong Safeguarding Culture. https://help-for-early-years-providers.education.gov.uk/health-and-wellbeing/safeguarding/creating-a-strong-safeguarding-culture
Hughes, K. et al. (2017). ‘The effect of multiple adverse childhood experiences on health: a systematic review and meta-analysis.’ The Lancet Public Health, 2(8), e356–e366. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2468-2667(17)30118-4
NSPCC (2026). Statistics on Child Neglect. https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/statistics-briefings/child-neglect
Radford, L. et al. (2011). Child Abuse and Neglect in the UK Today. NSPCC.
The Children’s Society (2026). The Good Childhood Report 2026. https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/resources-and-research/resources-and-publications/good-childhood-report-2026
University College London (2024). Being Excluded or Truant from School Leads to Mental Health Problems – and Vice Versa. https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2024/mar/comment-being-excluded-or-truant-school-leads-mental-health-problems-and-vice-versa
Childline (n.d.). Emotional Abuse. https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/abuse-safety/emotional-abuse/
