Living With a Narcissist: When Someone Makes You Doubt Yourself

‘Maybe I’m Overreacting’

 One of the most damaging aspects of narcissistic abuse is gaslighting. The Oxford Learner’s Dictionary (2026) defines gaslighting as ‘the process of making somebody believe untrue things in order to control them, especially that they have imagined or been wrong about what has really happened.’

For example, they might:

• Deny things they clearly said or did
• Accuse you of being ‘too sensitive’
• Twist situations to make you feel responsible for problems
• Rewrite events to protect themselves
• Make you question whether your reactions are reasonable

Imtiaz (2025) found that emotional abuse and gaslighting are linked to increased anxiety, depression, trauma symptoms and reduced self-esteem. Over time, this can leave someone feeling emotionally exhausted and unsure of themselves.  

You Can Lose Yourself Without Realising

Living with a narcissistic person or parent can slowly change the way you see yourself. You may stop voicing opinions to avoid conflict. You may become hyper aware of their moods or constantly feel responsible for keeping the peace. Some people even describe feeling emotionally ‘numb’ after long periods of manipulation. 

Mcleod and Flood (2018) found that coercive and controlling behaviour can have significant psychological and emotional impacts on victim-survivors, including reduced confidence, fear, isolation and loss of independence. The review also highlighted that living in an environment of ongoing control and emotional abuse can negatively affect a person’s wellbeing, relationships and sense of safety. Emotional abuse can therefore have a serious psychological impact, even when there are no visible signs.

‘But They’re Nice Sometimes’

This is one reason why these relationships can feel so confusing. Someone who behaves narcissistically is not necessarily cruel every second of every day. There can still be moments of kindness, affection or reassurance, which can make it harder to recognise the harm being caused.

In romantic relationships, these moments may make someone stay hopeful that things will change. In family relationships, children or young people may feel guilty for recognising harmful behaviour because society often expects parents to be loving, safe and supportive and that’s all a child wants too.

Simon (2022) explains that cycles of emotional hurt followed by affection or reassurance can contribute to trauma bonding, where emotional dependency develops through repeated patterns of manipulation and emotional inconsistency.

This does not make the emotional harm any less real.

The Impact on Mental Health

Living in a constantly emotionally unpredictable environment can place the body and mind under chronic stress. Lohmann et al (2023) found links between coercive control and PTSD symptoms, anxiety, emotional distress, sleep difficulties and reduced self-esteem.

Many people also describe feeling isolated because emotional abuse is often difficult to explain to others. Outsiders may only see the charming, charismatic or caring side of the person, while the manipulation happens privately behind closed doors.

This can leave people feeling misunderstood, guilty or unsure whether their experiences are ‘bad enough’ to talk about.

Healing Starts With Recognising It

One of the biggest turning points for many people is simply realising: ‘This isn’t healthy.’

Lohmann et al (2023) found that long-term emotional abuse can significantly affect a person’s confidence, identity and overall wellbeing. Recognising emotional manipulation therefore does not mean someone is weak or ‘dramatic’; it means they are beginning to understand the impact of the situation they are in.

Healing can involve:

• Rebuilding trust in your own instincts
• Reconnecting with supportive people
• Setting boundaries
• Seeking therapy or professional support
• Learning what healthy relationships and family dynamics actually look like

Most importantly, healing often begins with understanding that your feelings are valid.

Conclusion

Living with a narcissistic partner or parent can slowly make you question yourself in ways you never expected. The effects are often invisible to others, but that does not make them any less serious.

Everyone deserves relationships where they feel safe, respected, listened to and emotionally secure- whether that is within romantic relationships, friendships or family relationships.

If any of the experiences discussed in this blog feel familiar, it is important to remember that you do not have to deal with them alone. Speaking to a trusted friend, family member, teacher, therapist or supportive service can be an important first step. While reaching out can feel difficult, support is available and talking about your experiences can help you gain clarity, validation and guidance.

Seeking support does not mean you are weak or disloyal. It means you are recognising that your wellbeing matters. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, respect and empathy, regardless of who the other person is. Sometimes healing starts with recognising that love should not make you lose yourself and that asking for help can be one of the strongest things you do.